Thursday, May 27, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
At what point...did I stop expecting?!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Chief: You did it anyway. Like I said, impressive!
Friday, May 21, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
الحبة السادسة من المهدئ/المنوم: آخذها كاملة..وليس نصفها فقط! ابتلع النصف مللي جرام ليس لأن مشاعري مضطربة او أني أشعر بسوء! بل آخذ المهدئ الليلة..لأني لا أشعر بشئ على الاطلاق...رغم خضم الاحداث وتسارعها! آخذها حتى لا يبدأ عقلي حتى بالتفكير هذه الليلة! أريد لحالة الهبوط التي تتسبب فيها تلك الحبة ان تتملكني، وأن استسلم لها تماما! أن استلقي واعية لما يحدث حولي ولكني غير مشتركة بالجنون هذا!! (بل أنا مشتركة ولكني لا أشعر وأنكر ايضا)! لا أريد ان أدرك خطواتي ولا أتفهمها حتى...(لو أدرك ما فعلت وأفعل لأنهرت تماما أو قد أجن) أريد ان أستمر دون أن ألحظ أي شئ، أريد أن أسرع الخطى هربا من حسابي لنفسي ومن التفكير... ربما تنجح الحيلة!ا
عن التاسع عشر من مايو، وأول ساعات العشرين من مايو
Monday, May 17, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
(This doesn't keep me away, though, from the wish of seeing what tomorrow bears!!)
If only Life has a Fast Forward Button!!!
Saturday, May 15, 2010
(At moments like these, I do not want to wake up the next morning, I do not want a new day of struggles with myself! At moments like these..I just lose it all.. where I can't see anything! I just want to sleep and feel nothing anymore, nor think nor expect nor wait nor plan nor decide..nothing! I don't want any of these..I wanna close my eyes till forever!! )
P.s. : I cried my heart out in the street! At last, the silent sobbing in my head has stopped and tears expressed themselves out loud ...and publicly!
Another p.s. : I am not weak, though! I just happen to Feel!
Friday, May 14, 2010
Decisions... We take decisions to choose, because we have to, because we meet crossroads, and because it's the ritual of life! But sometimes, we just take decisions, to prove to ourselves we're capable... We're Strong! Our life is hectic.. all is out of our control, everyone or everything takes part in deciding the routes of your life..and you're just marginalised in your own life, simply watching it from the outside...! You then refuse to be that helpless, so You Decide! You take the decision - a decision- any decision - any grave decision in your life.. to assure your presence.. to say "I AM Capable!" "I am present in my life!" "I am in control!"...Not necessarily you make the decision in the irritable, hanging issues that made you helpless! NO! You do something far away from it... a new zone, your new zone with a new decision taking part of your life somewhere else! You do not mind the process itself, what may happen after that! You just like your power over this zone in your life! You can harm yourself, nurturing that part of your pride, by the decision you've just made! But you don't mind it at all! The important thing is.. "I" am the one to decide! I am in control of "MY" Life! I Can...!You don't realise the consequences of your decision (or may be you do!)... you're just now empowered by you decision... but later.. you'll ripe off its fruits! Then, pray that you didn't worsen matters more!
(May be that's why.. I feel the way I feel now, pained because I decided! May God guide me to the right path, and forgive me!)
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Amidst chaos, we search for Meaning! And we search for our lost Souls!
We lean our backs to the intimate thing we have/had! The memories, the details, the people!
We go back to the very first dream....to the little plant that started it all..
We remember...We try to remember the initial dream.. We try to remember ourselves.. and what we first chose back then...
We try to recall the details... to find the meaning... to find ourselves.. to remind our hearts with the smiles we once had!
We redefine intimacy... We redefine the dream!
We realise what we took for-granted..and was always there, that became unnoticed ..but it was present, here, infront of our eyes, and between our hands! We just couldn't see the details, the love, the friends, the moments...the-everything we forgot to appreciate!
We see what these added to our souls, ..and how life would be when we subtract them from our world!
Add...and Subtract... Weigh in the loss, Value the gain! and Choose the next path! The Company you'll take with you in your new journey in life! The box of memories you'll discard, and the memories you'll encarve in your heart... while moving forward!
We remember what we lost...and what we may lose! and thus we know what we should keep with us till the end of our road!
We then find the Meaning, the Light...We hold onto it..and onto ourselves..and thus search for the next adventure, with more steady footsteps, with much more strength, faith, hope and power!
And overall, we're grateful for all the 'Stuff We Did'...
So, Whenever in doubt, get back to the origins, to the core, to the essence, to the very first dream, and very first choice, in order to find Meaning, to find Us, how our Souls once looked like, and thus Pursue, Fight, Believe, and Live!