It has been recurring in my mind for the past couple of days. I dunno if this is the most scary phase of my life..or just the same tremendous fear. It just doesn't matter..I'm scared. And I think that my soul is calmly surrendering to that fear as well...as if in preparation. I know it's killing, I know I should keep on praying and having faith..but, I already lost belief. I do not have the power to see the light; I do believe in the existence of Light, but..can't believe it can happen? I dunno how it could be described..I lost belief in miracles..I want them to happen..but I am not sure if they ever will. I'm scared..I know I am. My soul is being vanquished every single day..it gets eclipsed. It just caves in. My mind does not have mercy either.. and I am not sure what should I believe in anymore...
but it already has part of my soul..How can you be the well of strength when you're surrendering to the dementors?
What if..all of this is just a mere warning?!
What if all that disturbing feeling in your guts..is just delusional?!
I often remind myself.. yet how do you fight loss of hope when you do not know how anymore? ..when you actually lost sight of hope/light/magic/belief/faith?
How do you actually fight..at all?!
*ما الذي يسلب الروح ألوانها؟ ما الذي- غير قصف الغزاة- أصاب الجسد؟*
-مريد البرغوثي، رأيت رام الله-