Friday, September 30, 2011

ChanginG..


تتحول انتصاراتي اليومية الصغيرة الى نجاح طهي الأرز(من غير ما يتعجن) او ان امشي بسلاسة بين أبنية الجامعة العتيقة دون خرائط. أتحول ببطء الى نموذج المرأة العاملة..التي تطبخ ليومين او اكثر. أعد الطعام ..ثم أقسمه لليوم والغد بعد ان اشتريت علب حفظ الطعام البلاستيكية..لأنني في اليوم التالي سأكون منشغلة جدا ولا وقت لدي لفعل أي شئ!! أتوقف عن شراء الفاكهة لانها تفسد سريعا..لأنها لي فقط! صرت اشتري كل شئ بكميات قليلة جدا..فأنا اطبخ لشخص واحد..وحيد! صرت أعرف الأسعار وأقارن ما بين هذا السوبر ماركت وذاك.. وانا المبذرة تماما التي كانت لا تهتم. تغيرت الان. وأشعر الان بمعاناة أمي وسؤالها الوجودي اليومي: (ح تاكلوا ايه بكرة؟) كل يوم يشغلني هذا السؤال لما سأعده وأطهيه وهل لدي مكوناته وأعرف وصفته وهل استطيع الحصول على الوصفة من أصدقائي، او حتى أخترع شيئا ما..لكن دائما هو السؤال: ح ناكل ايه بكرة؟!َ أبتاع الصواني الفويل والاطباق الفوم والمعالق البلاستيكية حتى أتخلص منهم فورا بعد الاستخدام هربا من غسيل الصحون! (أكره المطبخ المشترك في السكن لأني موسوسة و "إنفة".. وكسولة احيانا..ومنعزلة ايضا). والان أكره غسيل الملابس- مثل أمي تماما ولكن لأسباب مختلفة.. فالعملات الفضية الصغيرة تجميعها صعب بشدة. ولكن رحلة "اللوندري" او غسيل الهدوم..ورائحة الغسيل المنعشة بعد التجفيف (والكثير من الدعاء ألا ارتكب خطأ ما فيفسد كل شئ!) هي من انتصاراتي الصغيرة أيضا. حتى الخروج ليلا، بدأت اعتاده.. أعتاد الان السير في طريق الغابة (طريق مختصر يصلني بمركز الجامعة مليئ بالأشجار والسناجب)...أعتاد الخروج ليلا رغم تحذير الاصدقاء، ورغم خوفي.. أعتاد تفقد صندوق بريدي يوميا دون ان أجد رسائل..ودون أن أحزن لذلك (ستصلني رسالة جديدة من مصر.. صرت أعد نفسي). أعتاد . أعتاد فرق التوقيت - ست ساعات- تفصلنا تماما. اعتاد اننا لا نتحدث بعد الساعة الثامنة مساءا بتوقيت هنا..لانها الثانية صباحا بتوقيت هناك! أعتاد فكرة الـ "هنا" والـ "هناك"!أعتاد استخدام "سكايب" والمحادثات التي لابد ان تنقطع لان الانترنت سخيف بشدة.. أعتاد الان استخدام حمام السكن المشترك -الذي أكرهه تماما بالمناسبة. بل واعتدت ايضا ركوب الباص للذهاب إلى أي مكان فقط لاقراء "رحلة" رضوى عاشور بجانب الشباك (لدرجة اني اتصاحبت على اكتر من سواق/سواقة أو على الاقل عارفنني كويس دلوقت). صرت أعتاد كل هذا وأكثر. حتى الصمت طوال اليوم..اعتدته. وكذلك الأمطار اليومية والرطوبة والجو المتقلب..والمظلةالتي صارت جزء من ذراعي لا يفترقان ابدا. ه

أعتاد الغربة..فتصبح مألوفة الان.اعتاد الغياب..والبكاء المكتوم كل ليلة دون سبب وأنا استمع لحلقات "فريندز" على جهاز الكمبيوتر حتى أنام! ا

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Miles ...in Between!


Why sitting in the bus stop..makes you wonder on how many miles separate you from Home! And How this Home carries all that You Love! And How ..at this very moment...where you're just sitting in a bus stop alone, you wonder...where you are..and where they are right now! And neither the phone, nor all the food you're buying for a lonely dinner..will bring them for you! How different times zones are! How the Moon greets me here, and the Sun is ready to wake you up there! How many miles separate us..and with all these miles..with every bit of them..I love you!
____
Dedicated to "Home" (with all its meanings!)

Saturday, September 24, 2011

. . .

.
.
.
وبس

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Knowing the Way..!


Today's Victory: Walking around without a map! :)


هلاوس...

انا مبتكلمش عربي/مصري...غير ع الفيس بوك والمكالمات الخطف اللي غالبا بتقطع!!ا

عايزة ارغي مع حد ببساطة بالهجايص بتاعتنا دي واحنا في الباص ورايحين السوبر ماركت ونتريق ع الحاجات!! ومش عايزة اكتب انا عايزة اسمع واتسمع!! ح تنقط!! انا العربي بتاعي قرب يبقى مكسر !!!ا
:D

مش ممكن كل ما اشوف حاجة عايزة اعلق عليها ادور مالقيش حد جنبي
اقولهاله!!ا

Friday, September 16, 2011

Random Thoughts on الغربة!




* When I saw the international music section..I rushed to it..may be I'd even see Amr Diab whom I don't much like (except for the oldies!!)..or anyone familiar..but searching in all that's "international"..I didn't find any Arabic thing in there..not even belly dance music!!

*Seeing Sheesha (Hukka) places..makes me smile..though I don't smoke in the first place! It reminds me of DownTown (wust el balad) and "el Borsa" :)


*The Pharaonic cards I saw in the bookstore..are just :) :) :)

*Not finding any book on Islam in the religion section ..reminds me how I'm from the minority now.

*Those who just greet me with "Assalmu Alikom" make my day. (please do that more often, it doesn't make me feel like am alone in this world!!)

*Sitting in the bus stop, reading an Arabic book, makes me think what in the world those around me think of me now reading a "weird" book from right to left :D! (Appreciate the little details)

*I haaaaaaaaardly see any veiled women here...and I just walk with total confidence, like I'm not the strange one over here.
*Putting my prayer rug in the room, and just pray..it crosses my mind how like may be this is the only time this spot will witness "sujood" here..! (Don't take your prayers for granted..:) )

*In the bookstore, when I saw "Al Baradei's" book..this made me just stand infront of it..and finally say I just saw a familiar face at last..and departed with a smile! (Though am not a big fan of AlBaradei!! )

*I haven't known I love Egypt that much. I mean I always loved it..and appreciated its details and everything..but when the Revolution took place..I thought that was ALL the LOVE I have for Egypt..I cannot even Love it more..! NOW, I surely discovered another level of love for her..and her people, streets, and details..!!

*Seeing a banner stuck on a car of "COEXIST" and seeing the Crescent as a sign of Islam among other signs...while heading to the bus stop, which I mark by a jewish temple where I wait and greeted with a smile by people passing me by... makes me feel at peace.


بجد بجد..


بكل تفاصيلك..وحشتيني


(اوي..)
_____
No where is safe like HOME! (i.e. My Egypt..I miss you with all your details)

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Contagion...Really??


When I first saw the poster for "Contagion"..I was like "WHAT??!!" Those brilliant actors ALL in ONE Movie? That must be something..

Once it was out..I was there in the theaters..waiting to be WOWed!

However..I wasn't the least!

The execution was very poor..and you feel plot-lines were left without being fully accomplished!

Marion Cotillard is abducted..and we forget all about her for a while, dunno anything about her life in that village with those kids..and when she appears once more.. You cannot really understand why she sympathises with them that way? and even her way of showing sympathy was like..weird!!

Then there is Gwyenth Paltrow..(Beth) who we know she cheated on her husband and that was supposed to be highlighted to know what happened to the guy she met..They mention that as if we already know all about it! (I don't care about why she cheated..but rather what happened to the guy? was he infected? when did he die? They don't say anything about him!)

Every plot-line is executed poorly..and you feel like there are many cut scenes for some reason..and you don't feel wholeness of the movie!

However..Jude Law did a good job there..

It's very disappointing for me to say..Contagion, you were a let down. A good idea, but..is that the best you can come up with..with such a cast?!!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Cairo Time..


رغم اني مبشربش شاي اصلا
الا ان واحشني منظر كوباية الشاي بالنعناع على حرف ترابيزة باصة ع النيل
!!
___
*Title: is a very interesting movie about Cairene life of the same name!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Fun Facts!

شوية ملاحظات سريعة ما بين هنا وهناك!! - وأغلبهم عن الشيكولاتة بما اني مدمنة!! :)ه

مقيش لا فانتا ولا ميرندا ولا بالتفاح ولا باليوسفي ولا الدلع ده!!-انما عندهم كراش! اي والله كراش بتاعة زمان دي!
شيكولاتة جالاكسي..اسمها دوف هنا!! ومش حلوة!
كادبري هنا..خرافة!
الشيبسي هنا وهمي! انا مش ح اعرف اكل شيبسي تاني في مصر عااا
معندهمش شيكولاتة "مارس"!! بديل مارس Three Muskteers
شيكولاتة مارس اللي باللوز النادرة عندنا في مصر...اختها هنااللي باللوز الجديدة دي سموها سنيكرز
الفاكهة بلاستيك!! شكل يفتح النفس..الطعم من غير مبيدات مسرطنة منيل!
المانجا هنا وحشة اوي! محرومين من اللحوسة!
مفيش عصاير زي عندنا! متلاقيش عصير اناناس ..عصير جوافة..عصير مانجا..! هو عصير البرتقان المشروب الرسمي هنا..وبصراحة هو فريش جدا
ملقتش ديتول!! بخ اختفى
هي مصاصة تشوباتشوبس راحت فين هنا؟
الشيكولاتة البيضا نادرة ..وفي الأغلب بتكون مستوردة
مالتيزر مش موجودة
شيكولاتة "باونتي" مش موجودة..وليها بديل امريكي! بس كدهون
مفيش قطط! مفيش قطط في الشارع!! انا نسيت شكل القطط!
نادرا اما تسمع كلكس!! نااادرا
السينما مش بتختار الكراسي فيها!! سداح مداح كدة
تستجري عربية تتجاوز الاتوبيس اللي موقف الشارع عشان بيركب حد؟ ولا تقدر اصلا
مبيسهروش! ع الساعة 10 كله بيقفل! حتى السوبر ماركت ومحلات الاكل! كئيبة بالليل
مصر أدفى..مصر أدفى تماما!
...
السؤال اللي بيطرح نفسه..هو ليه الحاجات اللي احنا عارفينها انها امريكاني..بتتصدر لنا..وهما ملتزمين بأقل من اللي بيتصدرلنا بكتير..وبيعتمدوا على منتجاتهم اكتر!! هو احنا ليه بيتصردلنا الهيافة اصلا بس؟!!

هابي نيو يير يا عم سعيد..



وده بمناسبة ان كل حاجة ملطشة معايا اليومين دول!
.
.
.
افرجها علينا يا رب

Monday, September 5, 2011

And She Fights for her Life..


Every day is a new struggle..

Going out of the room is a struggle..
a big adventure to do!

Going outside to the kitchen is a struggle..

Pushing myself out of my little world that I created in my room..is a Huge Step!

Taking the decision of leaving my comfort zone and go fix something to eat in a shared kitchen is a challenge to me! (mingling and being accepted is something that hinders me a lot from taking the initiative!)

To go to a shared bathroom with no locks, and not a beautiful one even...is a struggle!

To get outside to a place I have no friends in...is something I go daily through!

To hear no language of yours..though you speak their language perfectly..doesn't help much!
Your many obsessions that you're the one who's different..and if you're accepted or not among them..haunt you!!

The Challenge to go out..take the bus, and mingle in a world I know nothing about..is a daily fight!

The choice of staying in my room (my new comfort zone) and eat anything rather than cooking..is very easy to do. Using disposable plates, cups, and even spoons and forks..so as not to go out and wash couple of dishes...makes it even easier to hide and stay alone even more..and not mingle. Watching "Friends" instead of walking out...is not coping. Setting your laptop's time and date according to Cairo's time is definitely not adapting...

And still..
I try to take the bus and sit with a smile on my face alone..watching the surroundings..
I try to push myself to go and don't be shy..and stand in the kitchen and fix a lousy dish..with utmost confidence.
I still try to have discussions and get along..

I try
..
.
.

P.S. It's not about I want to go back home! It's simply..being alone..Not encouraged..Not finding support and a push-forward but my own inner self that has along debate with my other self ..and they fight each other..and I -amidst all this- I try to survive!
الوحدة تضرب حتى النخاع

اكتشاف..


الطبخ...مبيحبش انه يكون لطبق وحداني
.
.
.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

وفردت بعادك..شراع*




أنا بكره الـ6 ساعات فرق التوقيت ما بينا
أكتر من الـ 9،447 كيلومتر بكل اللي فيهم من محيط وبحور وقارة تانية اصلا
!!!

هو ليه ما شدناش سلك طووووويل وكوبايتين وألزق الكوباية على
ودني وأقدر اسمع كويس صوت البحر منها زي ما كنا عيال؟!!ا
____
العنوان من أغنية لجمالات شيحة

Friday, September 2, 2011

Eid in here..!

So, whoever knows me ..knows how special Eid is for me..with its own family rituals! (Aren't we all so?) Eid involves buying new clothes, new nailpolish..spending Eid's eve at my grandparents' place.. going to Eid prayers with my grandpa to "Mustapha Mahmoud Mosque"..hearing "Takbeerat" all along our walk.. remembering my grandma's baked cookies and how we stick them with jam.. having breakfast all together..sitting in the balcony watching happy kids flying away their balloons, having a family-gathering-lunch.. blowing balloons..wearing the new clothes..and meeting friends!

All of this..vanished this year!


(My Alternative Eid)

This Eid..I had to substitute all of that! To find alternatives..even to the home-made cookies!And still being amid the hurricane-evacuation-chaos..I was in a hotel room..and was supposed to enjoy eid!!

Before evacuation, my initial plan was to buy new clothes, play eid songs in the dorm, spending it with the people living there..and baking our cookies -for the first time in my life..!

Now, everything has changed because of the hurricane..! I'm handcuffed in a room in a hotel in a different city!
(Islamic Center we visited on Eve of Eid to ask about Eid Prayers)

So, I had to come up with Plan C this time !!

Overcoming the sudden tears and depression fits..I bought different kinds of cookies..including oreo (I dunno how Oreo gonna compensate for out "kah'k and my grandma's pettitfour..but I couldn't think of anything else!!), bought balloons of different sizes and colours.. got decorations..and bought a new blouse and nailpolish!! We've (me and my Tunisian friend here) found an islamic center (the first I've seen since my arrival to the US.)..and I found something that I can relate to at last...and they'll be holding eid prayers in a showplace in the next morning! Now I felt I'm ready..and was back to the Eid Cheerful Mood!

(My new stuff for Eid, just as my lill sis Heba and I used to do!)

Eid Morning: I played "Takbeerat El Eid" in the room while getting ready...and that got the spirit of Eid..! We arrived to show place at 9 am, paid "Zakat" and was sitting in a vast place at last..with the rows of brothers infront waiting for prayers and reciting Takbeerat along..and I was sitting with Muslim women and girls of all origins and nationalities...Pakistani, Indians, Syrians, Egyptians, Arabs, Americans, Africans, African-Americans..of every colours, background, and nationality...but all that gathered us now were new colourful clothes and Eid.

People were flowing in..and coming in big numbers..which was amazing for me..and felt like any big prayers at home! But, I was missing the sky! I didn't want a ceiling covering up all that beauty..I wanted our Takbeerat -and prayers- to be sent directly to the blue sky! I wanted whenever I raise my head up..to look onto the clear sky..not onto a roof! I also stopped looking at the banners inside that were putting the whole prayers out of context: You can see banners of other exhibitions of every other kind (military-patriotism thingie, animals exhibitions, etc etc)..I stopped looking that way too..I wanted to keep the last cheerful thought within me..so I concentrated on little kids with their cheerful clothes and feeling innocently happy..without knowing what "alienation, estrangement, missing, home country, far distance" is! All they know now..is being dressed up for a cheerful event!



(In the Showplace waiting for Eid prayers)

Prayers started by 10 am. when the Imam arrived! I then heard the first English Sermon...! and with people greeting one another for Eid..I then was broken-hearted! Not finding anyone of my family around to greet..started to ache my heart heavily..till I finally broke into a serious crying fit that went for quite a while! All I wanted then was just to greet them and leave..! I didn't mind spending Eid alone..as much as I minded not being with them for 5 min. after Eid prayers..and seeing the joy because of that.

A Note: Seeing how people took the effort of driving a long way, and dressing their little kids in new clothes, and take the pain to come to Eid Prayers...is nothing to be taken for granted! Despite how hard it is must have been for some, yet they came and rejoiced with their brothers and sisters who came from everywhere! This makes you appreciate more the blessings you have..! Alhamdulelah


(After Eid)

hmm..Now I still want to make "petitfour"..any recipes anyone? :))

Rejoice: This is My Eid song..I couldn't savour it then because of constant crying, but now we can:
العيد فرحة..وأجمل فرحة..يجمع شمل قريب وبعيد