Every day is a new struggle..
Going out of the room is a struggle..
a big adventure to do!
Going outside to the kitchen is a struggle..
Pushing myself out of my little world that I created in my room..is a Huge Step!
Taking the decision of leaving my comfort zone and go fix something to eat in a shared kitchen is a challenge to me! (mingling and being accepted is something that hinders me a lot from taking the initiative!)
To go to a shared bathroom with no locks, and not a beautiful one even...is a struggle!
To get outside to a place I have no friends in...is something I go daily through!
To hear no language of yours..though you speak their language perfectly..doesn't help much!
Your many obsessions that you're the one who's different..and if you're accepted or not among them..haunt you!!
The Challenge to go out..take the bus, and mingle in a world I know nothing about..is a daily fight!
The choice of staying in my room (my new comfort zone) and eat anything rather than cooking..is very easy to do. Using disposable plates, cups, and even spoons and forks..so as not to go out and wash couple of dishes...makes it even easier to hide and stay alone even more..and not mingle. Watching "Friends" instead of walking out...is not coping. Setting your laptop's time and date according to Cairo's time is definitely not adapting...
I try to take the bus and sit with a smile on my face alone..watching the surroundings..
I try to push myself to go and don't be shy..and stand in the kitchen and fix a lousy dish..with utmost confidence.
I still try to have discussions and get along..
P.S. It's not about I want to go back home! It's simply..being alone..Not encouraged..Not finding support and a push-forward but my own inner self that has along debate with my other self ..and they fight each other..and I -amidst all this- I try to survive!
الوحدة تضرب حتى النخاع