Getting it Out..

If you do not create your own Eid in here..you'll never have it, nor savour. That's why on "Yawm Al Waqfa" and the last fasting day, I invited a lot of people, dorm residents, students to join a big Eid dinner. I wanted to have Eid. Balloons, decorations.. and cooking all night and day things I've never in my life cooked before. In that day and a half, I learnt how to boil meat, make soup, make Fatta' (though I never liked it and don't know how it taste actually like)..and other of things for 70 people..and learnt how mothers do a lot for holding a family Eid banquet...and also learnt how to feel joy among people..even if you never knew them before.

I learnt that day some people are truly sincere and want to share your joy of Eid.

I learnt on that day that some really wanna show you support.

and some people..don't want you feel alone by any means.

..and some don't bother much.

Tired and exhausted..I rested happily on Eid's eve.

Eid was less painful this year..at least I didn't cry in prayers like last Eid :D

We missed prayers..and had a re-do prayer..that was utterly awkward..(I don't know why men don't speak up in prayers after Imam saying "Amen" and Takbeerat out loud!!)

Went home, blown balloons, listened to Safaa Abo El So3oud..singing about a joyous Eid...and Eid was over by 12 pm. !!!

Despite all that...I had a long Eid day..that is so not felt in my silent, dull, campus room.

Eid is painful and hurts..

Facebook made it worse..it made you feel more alone..for having nothing to share...You have no friends, no family to be among with..and it's Eid..where everyone else at least has someone even if Eid sucks for them..they're not alone.

I escaped even my family..and didn't want to skype with them on Eid's day. (They asked me that since they're all gathering, they'd wait for me to skype, but I did not!) I sufficed with a phone call.. and that's all. I hated the notion that they were all gathered (grandma, grandpa, uncle and his wife and kids, my parents, sisters) and they all wanna make me feel how distant I am from them..through stupid skype. I lied..I was at home, I could have skyped with you..but I chose not to..because I knew it will hurt me more.

Instead of crying..and suffocating in my room..where Safaa Abo El so3ood and balloons failed to cheer me up..I went aimlessly out..on a long shopping trip..to spend the day..and preferred to spend it alone in big stores and as a stranger on a bus, rather than a stranger among people I know.

Eid is flavorless in here..

It is americanised..with muslims and Egyptians whose only connection with Egypt is a gold pendant with a Quranic verse and a blue eye for defying envy.

You spend it with people who consider being Egyptian is something exotic to mention in a conversation to add a mysterious, fascinating aura around them.

You spend it with people who hardly speak Arabic..and their concern who they'll vote for in the U.S. elections.

You spend it with people who either never visited their countries or when they do visit it..they visit it as tourists simply..

But at least you spend it with somebody.

I'm so glad that Eid is over. I dislike Eid in here..

and this Eid..I surely didn't feel it..didn't feel it at all.

It's not over. Eid just never came.