Sunday, January 4, 2009


Note: This post is "arrogantly" about my humble self!
Another note…These are fragmented hallucinations…only a conversation between Myself and I!
I'm a crazy lunatic..who loves hallucinating! No one can decode it easily -my hallucinations I mean! I can control the messages I wanna deliver …and I keep another part of its reality to myself! I can be very meticulous concerning lamguage! I can irritate you if you ask me direct questions and do not give sharp definite direct answers..However, this is not most of the time, with all..nor in all situations! Weirdly enough..I have those truthful moments where pinteresque masking of words falls..and I pour it all out to whomever I choose..just like an open book! I am an open book…I suppose!

I am quite moody, unpredictable and could be unbearable at times! I could be hard to deal with, over-sensitive, silent at times! But, everything has a reason; and every shift of mood can simply be lift up ..even by a song! Music can have huge control over my mood…cheerful songs …can always make me Sway! I enjoy laughing..and I can have a hysterical laugh at times, giggles most of the time..or a serene smile if I'm really touched, speechless, and definitely happy!

I used not to cry..but I can cry! And this is a signal of something grave! Otherwise, if I'm hurt ….or simply "medy2a" I can have the worst state…chocked tears and unable to shed them! These could be unjustifiable moods..or may be they are?! Who knows! They say I can shift one's mood according to mine..I may pull yours down along mine..or else I may lift it up! But that necessarily does not work all the time!

I'm a stubborn Capricorn, however not all of the time! I have all paradoxes: I am a hardworker, and like what I'm doing… but lazy at times! I can be sad all day…and by night my mood skyrockets to the glittery stars! I am both sociable and unsociable, depends! I can be an indoor person very much..and outdoor person all the time, or vice versa! I can be rigid and flexible! I can be flying unrealistically, and sometimes I'm so glued to earth! I'm definitely like a penguin who's got wings..but can't fly realistically…but imaginatively does..!

I belive in goodness, kindness, superstitions, butterflies, rainbows, ugly witches, evil, ghosts, and pharoah's curse! I love English a lot! I love scribbling,,,and doodling! Hearts, trees, questions marks, exclamation marks, squares, signature , butterflies, eyes, little girls, swings…all have meanings when I doodle them in pencil all over my books and copybooks!

I believe in signs..though I can fail in interpreting them! I don't chase them, they knock my door! I believe in God-sent angels! Yes , He does send angelic people and signs! These signs I never fail to understand alhamdulelah! I love God, He's all Merciful, and 'am always thankful for His blessings!

I simply cannot live without friends! My closest are known..and then there are degrees! I love fairies..and I have an unnamed one! I love 3'azal el banat, and I don't like birds, I'm phobic. And I am not crazy!! I can be really talkative and also can be silent like hell! I cannot be easily infuriated, I am definitely tolerant but for everything there is a limit..! so, "etaqy shar el 7aleem eza 3'adab"! My motto is "Carpe Diem"…and I love every second of life..and weirdly sometimes I curse them as well and wish they'd stop moving forward! I do not regret matters…every phase had its ups and downs..but I'm the great winner after all…winner of life experience..and that what really matters!

My best companions are a black eyeliner, Nivea Visage Facial Wash, and Dettol Wipes and Chocolate for sure! In my handbag, you can find all: bus tickets, chocolates, gum, eyeliner, a marker, a book, a mini-notebook for scribbles that I hardly use, cinema tickets, painkillers, and whatever else! I don't like photographs, but I love shooting, though I'm no expert! I respect knitting, though I don't knit (But I wanna learn)! Cooking, knitting, sewing are for me all actions of love! I do not cook, but when I do, I think I do pretty well alhamdulelah!

I adore chocolates..These are my best friends in will and woe!! I love Fayrouz, she's my world!! She scares me, makes me cry, makes me fly, love, and dream!! Um Kalthoum is a world of her own…a Utopia of feelings! And I'm a huge fan of Ali el 7aggar..!Sinatra makes me Fly, Celine makes me Love!

I adopt a fairy and a penguin! I believe one day Penguins can fly…and rainbows will shine..and butterflies will hover!!

I have no one sole Ideal person to follow as his/her example! I am a bits of this and that…of now and there! This is not being selfish…nor being perfect…but learning from everyone of those whom I love and respect and proud to know!

I can be such a strong, independent person…! But I'm in fact such a weak , childish , fragile person from within! I can pull masks of strength, self-composition at anytime and most of the time! And sometimes, I weirdly fail at this! I send SOS when I'm in need of company and help..and there is something that worries me or bothers me... I never say something unintentionally! However, I'm still a spontaneous person, quite impulsive at time..just like Maggie Tulliver...But I can be an Emma as well!

I'm a spendthrift….I adore books, shawls, veils and bags! However, I can manage very well to hold a budget of something or someone else! I love being carefree and definitely I hate pressure! I hate Pressure YES! But I work under pressure...! I hate exams by the way!! and who does not!!

I am a Gemini in disguise (lol)! I am a realistic Capricorn…but an imaginative butterfly as well! I'm a nostalgic person towards the sweet moments of childishness , innocence and purity! I loved my blog, but something I am missing it after its being lost!! (Yes, I'm still touched)! I'm an emotional person...but also sensible and rational! I see myself in characters on book pages..and in people on screen !

I love having a new haircut every now and then..this keeps me refreshed! :D I love having a nickname..but I also adore my own name..! I love my little Heba! Mona and Azza are definitely my world! Nouran is my dude lol...and Razan is my child!

I have visions of the worst scenarios that could happen! My mind has to prepare itself for everything and anything...! This means 'am superstitious and pessimistic! But I'm not still! I trust my intution and feeling....! Premonitions I believe in!! I fear illness..but I don't fear dying! I have a belief that I would die young...but this doesn't bother me much!
Today, I'm 22! and I'm being contemplative for the past days..and today as well..I dunno why! I'm not'm serenly happy..I'm just being medidative that's all! Is that a good sign!?