اكتشاف..

الطبخ...مبيحبش انه يكون لطبق وحداني

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وفردت بعادك..شراع*

أنا بكره الـ6 ساعات فرق التوقيت ما بينا

أكتر من الـ 9،447 كيلومتر بكل اللي فيهم من محيط وبحور وقارة تانية اصلا

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هو ليه ما شدناش سلك طووووويل وكوبايتين وألزق الكوباية على

ودني وأقدر اسمع كويس صوت البحر منها زي ما كنا عيال؟!!ا

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العنوان من أغنية لجمالات شيحة

Eid in here..!

So, whoever knows me ..knows how special Eid is for me..with its own family rituals! (Aren't we all so?) Eid involves buying new clothes, new nailpolish..spending Eid's eve at my grandparents' place.. going to Eid prayers with my grandpa to "Mustapha Mahmoud Mosque"..hearing "Takbeerat" all along our walk.. remembering my grandma's baked cookies and how we stick them with jam.. having breakfast all together..sitting in the balcony watching happy kids flying away their balloons, having a family-gathering-lunch.. blowing balloons..wearing the new clothes..and meeting friends!

All of this..vanished this year!

(My Alternative Eid)

This Eid..I had to substitute all of that! To find alternatives..even to the home-made cookies!And still being amid the hurricane-evacuation-chaos..I was in a hotel room..and was supposed to enjoy eid!!

Before evacuation, my initial plan was to buy new clothes, play eid songs in the dorm, spending it with the people living there..and baking our cookies -for the first time in my life..!

Now, everything has changed because of the hurricane..! I'm handcuffed in a room in a hotel in a different city!

(Islamic Center we visited on Eve of Eid to ask about Eid Prayers)

So, I had to come up with Plan C this time !!

Overcoming the sudden tears and depression fits..I bought different kinds of cookies..including oreo (I dunno how Oreo gonna compensate for out "kah'k and my grandma's pettitfour..but I couldn't think of anything else!!), bought balloons of different sizes and colours.. got decorations..and bought a new blouse and nailpolish!! We've (me and my Tunisian friend here) found an islamic center (the first I've seen since my arrival to the US.)..and I found something that I can relate to at last...and they'll be holding eid prayers in a showplace in the next morning! Now I felt I'm ready..and was back to the Eid Cheerful Mood!

(My new stuff for Eid, just as my lill sis Heba and I used to do!)

Eid Morning: I played "Takbeerat El Eid" in the room while getting ready...and that got the spirit of Eid..! We arrived to show place at 9 am, paid "Zakat" and was sitting in a vast place at last..with the rows of brothers infront waiting for prayers and reciting Takbeerat along..and I was sitting with Muslim women and girls of all origins and nationalities...Pakistani, Indians, Syrians, Egyptians, Arabs, Americans, Africans, African-Americans..of every colours, background, and nationality...but all that gathered us now were new colourful clothes and Eid.

People were flowing in..and coming in big numbers..which was amazing for me..and felt like any big prayers at home! But, I was missing the sky! I didn't want a ceiling covering up all that beauty..I wanted our Takbeerat -and prayers- to be sent directly to the blue sky! I wanted whenever I raise my head up..to look onto the clear sky..not onto a roof! I also stopped looking at the banners inside that were putting the whole prayers out of context: You can see banners of other exhibitions of every other kind (military-patriotism thingie, animals exhibitions, etc etc)..I stopped looking that way too..I wanted to keep the last cheerful thought within me..so I concentrated on little kids with their cheerful clothes and feeling innocently happy..without knowing what "alienation, estrangement, missing, home country, far distance" is! All they know now..is being dressed up for a cheerful event!

(In the Showplace waiting for Eid prayers)

Prayers started by 10 am. when the Imam arrived! I then heard the first English Sermon...! and with people greeting one another for Eid..I then was broken-hearted! Not finding anyone of my family around to greet..started to ache my heart heavily..till I finally broke into a serious crying fit that went for quite a while! All I wanted then was just to greet them and leave..! I didn't mind spending Eid alone..as much as I minded not being with them for 5 min. after Eid prayers..and seeing the joy because of that.

A Note: Seeing how people took the effort of driving a long way, and dressing their little kids in new clothes, and take the pain to come to Eid Prayers...is nothing to be taken for granted! Despite how hard it is must have been for some, yet they came and rejoiced with their brothers and sisters who came from everywhere! This makes you appreciate more the blessings you have..! Alhamdulelah

(After Eid)

hmm..Now I still want to make "petitfour"..any recipes anyone? :))

Rejoice: This is My Eid song..I couldn't savour it then because of constant crying, but now we can:

العيد فرحة..وأجمل فرحة..يجمع شمل قريب وبعيد

Evacuation: Hurricane Irene!

So, I've been asked to evacuate my accommodation today for Hurricane Irene! Depressed as hell..for not knowing how it will be like ( I dunno what to expect ..I dunno what a hurricane is synonymous with for God's sake!)..I just had to leave!

I packed some clothes, my important papers..my favourite valuable stuff..(not valuable by money.. but valuable by closeness)..asked God to protect us..and left for a city nearby but more into the west.

It was crazy leaving the room..and putting stuff into the drawers in case water would come and flood everything else :DDD (I dunno what a hurricane will be like!) Should I expect broken windows, water..lost stuff..I really dunno!

I just packed and left..and my city was suffering from a very foggy, depressing sky...heavy rain..and very strong wind that's gonna blow trees down.

Hurricane Irene..please give us a break! I really dunno what to expect in the very long days awaiting me!!

Allah yostor

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The Photos are for the angry weather of my city..before I traveled and left it

It Struck me that...

I am no longer listed as in Egypt!

Briefing...

Since I arrived to the States..and I started bit by bit realising the big transition that I'm gonna undergo.. I was of course excited..anticipating...numb at times..and of course afraid! I realised what I have done..once I stepped into my big dull room..that I had called "the prison room"..The plain walls..and the empty room, the grey mattress of the bed! The bed that had no sheets, no blankets..The walls that were cold.. The floor that was all colourless..and two big suitcases of mine..resided there..and me in the corner had my first time of long crying fits! If it weren't to facebook, friends..and couple of stickers and my little friends I brought with me (namely Boogy w Tamtam, my little fanoos and smiley flower)..I would have definitely gone crazy!

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(The corner of Joy..the first few things I put infront of me..the first 10 min I was in my room for the first time- The corner of Joy now..always has chocolate and sweet things !)

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My first shopping trip - to the very famous Walmart- was definitely not for food..it was for STICKERS! Yep..I needed COLOURS to my room..bought a pinkish quilt..smiley stickers, butterfly stickers..and even sunflowers' stickers..to put those everywhere! Still, I refused to unpack! The denial phase was going on..I thought if I don't unpack my suitcases..may be I'll be going back home in the next few days...! So, I just didn't! and my room..wasn't warm still!
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(On Campus, on my very first arrival)

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Then from denial and refusing..to surrendering to the fact that this is my room for the coming while..this is the big kitchen I have to share in a dorm..and this is the life I have to lead: From a very pampered Hagar..to someone who buys forks, and spoons, spices and quilts, pots for cooking, to cleaning material, to thinking of what to cook..and what I may need.

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(My desk with the tokens and books that accompanied me from Egypt)

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My first proud moment..was the laundry visit! :D The anticipating, worried look on my face that changed to a childish joy when I saw my clothes all washed up..and no colour-disaster took place..were worth shooting...! I was going back home with all my laundry dried up, smelling really good with my lovely detergent..and I was so proud of myself..that I've done that from A-to-Z! (No jokes here..we said 'am pampered!)

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(That's the dryer with my clothes inside..MY FIRST TIME EVER :D)
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My next proud moment..was when I had the public transportation round here..and went to continue my shopping on my own this time (before I had the luck of joining a very good Tunisian friend who helped/helps me around much, not to mention having Iftar with her-and not dining alone -saved me a lot from loneliness around here alhamdulelah)! I went shopping..had my first Amerian mobile number...and that's it..I was settling and coping..and at the end of the day..I had a colourful room..with fairies stuck on my wall, smiley faces to help me wake up every day and not to cry every night...and a desk with little tokens from people I love..and carried their hearts in my heart ..with me to U.S.A.! and Now..I unpacked..and my things, clothes..and life..are in a new room..new city, new country..very far away from Egypt! But now..I call this "home"..just to get used to it!

If I'm missing anything in this adventure..that would be my sister, Heba! I wished she was with me to join the adventure..and we'd go along...! But..who said she's far away..anyway..! :)

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(One of the fairies that welcomes life..stuck on my wall..I have some of them up there with TinkerBell :) )

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At last..what I mostly like here..is that..with my Hijab..Arabs and Muslim Americans..recognise me as a Muslim..so they always stop me and greet me in Arabic with "Assalamu Alikom" and a sweet smile! This makes my day...for real!! So please, if you happen to see me around..walking from classes..or look all grumpy missing home..or carrying many bags from "Target"...just stop me and say "Hi"...It feels like you're never alone! :))

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(The Smiley faces all along my bed..and on the drawes as well..to remind me to Smile..)
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p.s. When I knew I'm travelling..I promised myself to try to post sth. to record each day I'm living here..., and I will try to do so! I'd like to see from where I began and where to end!
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p.s. 2 (Thanks to my friends..and their tokens..and those who visit me..and those who keep my company..and my friends' whose prayers are answered and God-sent angels come by to ease my day and colour it with a smile)

Ouch!

يخربيت الوجع
والتكّات الصغيرة اللي بتدوس على تعاوير مبتتقفلش
!