Reflecting...

Weird that feeling.. that you're being driven off the cliff..and then people wonder why did she fall and why is she screaming now!

You know when you're triggered to explode..and then they denyingly look at you..how come you say what you're say now..and just flip the table the other way round at you! and they simply -innocently- take that judgemental seat..and blame you now!

Was it wrong to be tolerant.. was it wrong to be silent all the time?

Was it wrong to lose the innocence...and let scars find their way..by the very closest to you?

Should I have remained silent...?

Or am I really that tired... I can't take it anymore: the moods, the attacks, the peace pact, the closeness, the whole lot of fluctuations?!

You know when someone gets you close..then throws you back..and draws you again..and then leave you in a mediocre situation..then forcefully draws you near..and coldly leave aside?! You know this positive-negative magnet situation...? will it leave you sane and whole..? will it burn each time bits and bits of me from the inside? will you see the cracks deepening and..you know you'll crash down?

I am really tired..and still..I do not regret any of that was said to either of them, Or may be I do.. but can I be blamed for crashing?..for not taking in anymore?..for the one time I cannot be silent at? ..for surrendering? for being tired?

All yesterday's drama is forgotten.. just a teary eye..and a sad heart is so hurt by what they uttered ..when they meant it the least.. (or may be meant it the most..I no longer know)..Though the situations..were quite distinct..and just one happened after the other.. and losing communication one after the other..But all happened at once..culminating to the lost case I've become! How the two situations..melted into one..!

But if they knew what they were saying really, really hurts.. if they knew that this will trigger quite the harsh side of me.. if they knew it would to my total surrendering..and not fighting anymore.. if they knew I was so exhausted, wounded and hurt... not wanting them to add to the overall agony...would they still say and act the way they did..and drive me to the edge..and watch me fall.. and collapse..and innocently watch me coldly collecting the pieces..and walk away?!

Will they...?!