Thursday, June 24, 2010

Marginal Notes..

-Looking back to the last couple of months.. with all that it bore.. I discovered how much I've grown up, from within! It's not about being old... but more grown up, more mature, more... strong!

-I was tested to continue believing or not! The abstract concept of believe! Or else.. to surrender? To do compromises? To be deceived by blurry images?! I experienced all..and was about to fall! But to go back believing is not that easy either...I cannot fully say I believe in what.. I just abstractly hold onto the word "believe"..! May be that's not enought, but what I'm sure of.. I cannot take the other road! I know I can't!

-The Meaning is still elusive ... once you try to capture it goes the other way! I reached part of it..and still more are just question marks...! I try to stop asking unanswered questions.. but I'm human after all!

-Everything weighs me down..! Thinking weighs me down! Pondering, Planning, Taking action... even waking up, moving, talking, walking...! Yet..we resist to wake up.. and do what we've gotta do, no matter how much it takes from our energy! I don't know what the point of struggling to breathe, but do we actually have a choice? We keep moving...till we reach, till we fully grasp the meaning one day..sooner or later!

-Do you know how to "hush" your inner voices? and feelings? They'll go yelling, hitting the walls, crying out loud... then you'll learn how to make them fade! You'll silence them.. You'll start hiding them all around in your soul and brain! You'll turn off the lights of whatever memory or feeling that just sparked..! You'll quickly turn it off... turn the lights off!

-I still close my eyes for a second, pained... when the Universe conspires against me!

- I've never been pressured and stressed and doing multi-tasking mental processes and having so many things at my life... as the past while! It's still ongoing.. but hopefully, all will come to an after another!
-I just stand amidst a tornado, not a storm! But I can't see it...I can't feel it! Dunno if it's a good thing? or a warning for something terrible? Am I numb? or rather dead?! But do we really need an answer? I'll just close my eyes till it passes away, till it is so far behind me, till it takes everything away, and I will then can see clearly!

P.S. The Tunnel is so dark...But may God help us all to keep going, till the Light can fetch us!


شريف said...

عمري ما فهمت, احنا بنؤمن بحاجة فيتولد عندنا الأمل .. ولا بيبقى عندنا أمل فنبتدي نؤمن بحاجة ..
و لو عالأصوات, في يوم حتعرفي تمشي و همه جواكي .. عمر الأصوات اللي جوايا مسكتت, أنا بس اتعودت أكمل و هم بيزعقوا جوا ..
بس مفيش حاجة بتوجع زي لما تغمضي عينك .. لأن ساعتها مش بيملا كيانك الا الأصوات ديه ..

Epitaph1987 said...

بنؤمن..ويتولد الأمل
في الأغلب يعني! وممكن الأمل يكون موجود فبيتسعيد الثقة في اللي بنؤمن بيه! الممكن نؤمن! حتى لو مشوفناش الأمل واضح!
الأصوات خلاص...فيه زرار
وادينا بنكمل