Sunday, September 13, 2009

My Little Corner of the World..

(pic. entitled: My Little corner of the World)

*The Following are merely random hallucinations:

-Am envitable breakdown!!
- I keep thinking, and thinking...and thinking...and more thinking...! That I end up staying awake all night!
- I'm not depressed! (alhamdulelah)
- But I know when I feel utter safety as well...!
-I have minor fits of worries and eclipses.. (normal I assume)!
- I wish for the SUN!
-I Miss Mona and Azza...a lot! (Like really A LOT)
-Talking is so elusive..I no longer let myself clearly out..I master all this fake talk currently! (except in one condition!)
- I have to go to the dentist...the pain is so unbearable! :( and on daily basis now...!
-I yearn for that long deep breath....that one with an accompanied smile for the assurance!
-I'm tired of hiding tired...! It so consummes me..and it's so hard..and gets harder and harder..and I still do it...! But I'm afraid I'm getting weaker and weaker...
- In fact I'm getting beautifully weaker and weaker...
-Enchanted, spelled, swept away....yep!
-I miss sleeping early and easily...!
-I wanna take actual and concrete steps soon isA..this will give me some security and will pacify me! (career wise...)
- Enthusiasm is highly needed...
- I wish for those moments of security and warmth to last till forever...! For constant recharge..
-I wanna reach over there..
- Why can't I stop wishing?! Why can't I just suffice with where I am now?!
-p.s. I just suffice with where I am now...with hope lurking within...!
-I miss speaking my mind out..openly...overtly..with all its fragment-like hallucinations, with all straightforwardness, with all concrete details, with no abstract generalities...! I Miss the REAL talking...!
-I'm grateful for having the Only Listener...(alhamdulelah)
-Yet, there is more to tell...The story is not fully told yet!
-PC's memory is just like my own memory..a one of a golden fish's!!! andaf mn el seeny now! and I have to let go, reset, re-install, etc etc etc! This has been my definite only constant thing to do always! Get distressed of losing, letting go...and then starting all over again!
-For one particular thing..I can't handle this process!! (God forbid)
- All is gonna be fine...insha Allah...All will be just fine insha Allah...! (repeating to myself)

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