....وحتي

للأبد؟-

ماذا؟؟-

ستظلين معي للأبد..؟-

حتي تحترق النجوم, وحتي.....ه-

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(رفعت اسماعيل وماجي)

It started rolling...

Why can't I just run far, far away... run with no looking backwards, continously run, till I jump into this big arms, hide my face, tremble for a while, my very limbs shake, my lips shiver, start sobbing for a while.. remain quiet, continue hiding my face, cling really tight to those big embracing arms...never leave that hug... never think of yesterday... never think of tomorrow..not even think of anything.. but the warmth of the hug that's so inviting for that sweet sleep...and escape the moment?!
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Dear Life, be a simple one... since I agreed to play your games.. You be fair to me this time.. !

Emma: Faultless in spite of all her faults!

Self-knoweldge:

To understand, thoroughly understand her own heart, was the first endeavour. To that point went every leisure moment which her father's claims on her allowed, and every moment of involuntary absence of mind.

How long had Mr. Knightley been so dear to her, as every feelings declared him now to be? When had his influence, such influence began?-When had he succeeded to that place in her affection, which Frank Churchill had once, for a short period, occupied? –She looked back; she compared the two –compared them, as they had always stood in her estimation, from the time of the latter's becoming known to her-and as they must at any time have been compared by her, had it- oh! Had it, by any blessed felicity, occurred to her, to institute the comparison. –She saw that there never had been a time when she did not consider Mr Knightley as infinitely the superior, or when his regard for her had not been infinitely the most dear. She saw, that in persuading herself, in fancying, in acting to the contrary, she had been entirely under a delusion, totally ignorant of her own heart-and, in short, that she had never really cared for Frank Churchill at all!

This was the conclusion of the first series of reflection. This was the knowledge of herself, on the first series of reflection. This was the knowledge of herself, on the first question of inquiry, which she reached; and without being long in reaching it. – She was most sorrowfully indignant; ashamed of every sensation but one revealed to her- her affection for Mr Knightley.

Declaration:

"'As a friend!' –repeated Mr Knightley.- 'Emma, that I fear is a word- No, I have no wish- Stay, yes, why would I hesitate? – I have gone too far already for concealment. – Emma, I accept your offer- Extraordinary as it may seem, I accept it, and refer myself to you as a friend. – Tell me, then, have I no chance of ever succeeding?'

He stopped in his earnestness to look the question, and the expression of his eyes overpowered her.

'My dearest Emma,' said her, ' for dearest you will always be, whatever the event of this hour's conversation, my dearest, most beloved Emma-tell me at once. Say "No," if it is to be said.'- She could really say nothing. (…)

Emma was almost ready to sink under the agitation of this moment. The dread of being awakened from the happiest dream was perhaps the most prominent feeling.

'I cannot make speeches, Emma:' – he soon resumed; and in a tone of such sincere, decided, intelligible tenderness as was tolerably convincing. – 'If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. But you know what I am. – You hear nothing but truth from me. I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other woman in England would have borne it. –Bear with the truths I would tell you now, dearest Emma, as well as you have borne with them. The manner, perhaps, may have as little to recommend them. God knows, I have been a very indifferent lover. – But you understand me. –Yes, you see, you understand my feelings- and will return them if you can. At present, I ask only to hear, once to hear your voice."

Felicity:

He had, in fact, been wholly unsuspicious of his own influence. He had followed her into the shrubbery with no idea of trying it. He had come, in his anxiety to see how she bore Frank Churchill's engagement, with no selfish view, no view at all, but of endeavouring, if she allowed him an opening, to soothe or to counsel her.- The rest had been the work of the moment , the immediate effect of what she heard, on his feelings. The delightful assurance of her total indifference towards Frank Churchill, of her having a heart completely disengaged from him, had given birth to the hope, that, in time, he might gain her affection himself;- but it had been no present hope- he had only, in the momentary conquest of eagerness over judgment , aspired to be told that she did not forbid his attempt to attach her.-The superior hopes which gradually opened were so much the more enchanting.- The affection, which he had been asking to be allowed to create if he could, was already his!- Within half an hour, he had passed from a thoroughly distressed state of mind, to something so like perfect happiness, that it could bear no other name.

Her change was equal. – This one half hour had given to each the same precious certainty of being beloved, had cleared from each the same degree of ignorance, jealousy, or distrust.

A Moment of hoping:

What totally different feelings did Emma take back into the house from what she had brought out!- she had then been only daring to hope for a little respite of suffering; - she was now in an exquisite flutter of happiness, and such happiness moreover as she believed must still be greater when the flutter should have passed away.

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My Favourite parts of Jane Austen's Emma.

اظهر وبان عليك الأمان

سؤال للشمس:ه

ناوية تطلعي امتي؟؟...غلبتيني

Twirls of the Heart...!

Loose your hair, tap with your feet, go with the rhythm, close your eyes, throw your head backwards, swing your hands, go on tapping your feet, open your arms, embrace the air...and breathe, breathe sweetly...and smoothly! A smell of sugar, a freshly baked ginger bread,and a breeze coming from the sea! Close your eyes, and touch the sparkling stars! Breathe, and start feeling the sweet ache that taps as well with the notes of the song! Swing, till you start floating like a fairy with your bare feet on the fluffy white clouds! Waves of emotions that flow with the rhythm of the music of the heart, keep tapping, keep swinging, keep your arms opened, keep breathing...and start to swirl and twirl ..around and around ...along the rhythm...and you'll learn the dance!
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Or just dance... till the music stops!

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Improvisations on the soundtrack of Amelie (the movie)!

Serendipity...!

"Ma petite Amélie, vous n'avez pas des os en verre, vous pouvez vous cognez à la vie. Si vous laissez passer cette chance, alors, avec le temps, c'est votre coeur qui deviendra aussi sec et cassant que mon squelette. Alors, allez y, nom d'un chien!"

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P.s. quoted from Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain, by L'homme de verre

*Title is of a movie of the same name (Serendipity :
Definition)

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From the Deep Blue Sea...to the Light Blue Sky

Everything bears some message...and we don't have but dream along...dream of peace... dream of evading wreckage!

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O Lord, let me harbour on that peaceful shore...and sail blessed by the Sun!

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No, in fact, let my sailing be a peaceful one, with no storms to conquer, or lightening to shatter my boat, nor thunder to terrify my heart! Just let my sailing be peaceful..to wherever it will go..and I'll sail along!

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Seeking Peace...?!

"I used to think I could never bear life if it kept on being the same every day; and I must always be doing things of no consequence, and never know anything greater. But, dear Philip, I think we are only like children, that someone who is wiser is taking care of. Is it not right to resign ourselves entirely, whatever may be denied us? I have found greater peace in that for the last two or three years - even joy in subduing my own will."

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Maggie to Philip, The Mill on the Floss.
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Seeking Peace...?!

"I used to think I could never bear life if it kept on being the same every day; and I must always be doing things of no consequence, and never know anything greater. But, dear Philip, I think we are only like children, that someone who is wiser is taking care of. Is it not right to resign ourselves entirely, whatever may be denied us? I have found greater peace in that for the last two or three years - even joy in subduing my own will."

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Maggie to Philip, The Mill on the Floss.
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C'est ça..!

طفلة صغيرة مشيطنة...ع الأرض عم تركض حفا
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اليسا: لو ما تجي

Belief...!

"She had a moment of real happiness then- a moment of belief that, if there were sacrifice in this love, it was all the richer and more satisfying."

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George Eliot about Maggie Tulliver

p.s. The blog seems to be dedicated to Maggie's issues those days..and God knows till when...! Till she (George Eliot/Maggie) stops surprising me..I suppose!

Haunted...!

"O it is difficult - life is very difficult. It seems right to me sometimes that we should follow our strongest feeling; but then, such feelings continually come across the ties that all our former life has made for us- the ties that have made others dependent on us- and would cut them in two. If life were quite easy and simple, as it might have been in paradise, and we could always see that one being first towards whom... I mean, if life did not make duties for us before love comes- love would be a sign that two people ought to belong to each other. But I see - I feel it is not so now: there are things we must renounce in life: some of us must resign love. Many things are difficult and dark to me; but I see one thing quite clearly- that I must not , cannot seek my own happiness by sacrificing others. Love is natural; but surely pity and faithfulness and memory are natural too. And they would live in me still, and punish me if I did not obey them. I should be haunted by the suffering I had caused. Our love would be poisoned. Don't urge me; help me- help me, because I love you."

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Maggie to Stephan in George Eliot's The Mill on the Floss

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النهاية السعيدة..مستحيلة؟؟

لو انه فقط يتوقف عن سؤالها عن تلك الاشياء التي لا تفهمها... تلك الاشياء العجيبة التي تسمي الماديات والايجار والتمليك و المقابلات الرسمية و طلبات الاهل والقبول و الرفض! لو فقط يتوقف عن الضرب والطرح والحساب والمعادلات التي لم تستهويها قط..! لو أنه يتوقف عن حساب أشهر البعد والانتظار, عن نظريات اينشتاين وفيثاغورس للاشتياق , عن النتائج المحتملة للألم وقوانين النسبية للأمل ! لو فقط توقف عن محاسبتها ومعاقبتها ومجادلتها ...لو فقط توقف عن كل ذلك! لو أنه يحدثها عن الابدية , عن النجوم اللامعة بالسماء, عن سيندرلا واميرها , عن الجنية الطيبة التي تلبي الأماني المستحيلة, لو فقط يحدثها عن ذلك..ذلك فقط! لو فقط يمنحها الفرصة لتختلي بنفسها وتربط شعرها "قططتين" ...وتمسك بأقلام الخشب الملونة, لترسم فراشة بجناح "لبني" واخر "روز"...لتهديه اياها , ليبتسم.. ويجلسها علي "حجره" ويعطيها "بنبوناية" برائحة الفراولة لتصبغ شفتيها الصغيرة باللون الوردي...فتعود طفلة صغيرة مدللة في عالم بسيط تفهمه, لربما حينها يطيرا الي النجوم اللامعة في الأرض المسحورة البعيدة , ليقابلا الجنية الطيبة التي تلبي الأماني المستحيلة !ه

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