Playground school bell rings again
Rain clouds come to play again
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello
I am your mind giving you someone to talk to
Hello
.
.
One of the strange personality tests that I've received in my mail box..and – not like every time- I did take it this time…and just answered spontaneously..! What's weird about it..is the interpretation of my character and people in my life!
.
.
It's put PRIDE as the most important thing to me ( and to this I absolutely agree) LOVE comes in the second rank (yeah.. my pride succeeds over it ) FAMILY then ,and yes it constitutes an important part of my life! Then comes the CAREER in the fourth rank ,which speaks of my theory that I'm ready to sacrifice my own career that I'd love for the sake of FAMILY, LOVE and PRIDE! And finally comes MONEY! This explains why I always told them I don't mind if I'd start my life from scratches with a partner who really loves me, but gives me security , a thing not granted by money.. but warm feelings!! and they only accused me of being idealistic and romantic.. but in fact..I'm none of them..I am just being true with myself!!
.
.
If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken
Hello
I'm the lie living for you so you can hide
Don't cry
.
.
The interesting part is in the spontaneous description of me and others! A word describes each! Me described as Honest! The partner as AFRAID (are you?! If that so..I'd be happy..it's a very healthy sign then..I wish I'd know!) my enemies described as FILTHY! And my Life as CALM as a Sea!! Yes thank you!! you put it all in a nutshell
.
.
Then ,it asked me to name some people and it figures out to be each has a station in my life and heart!... and yes it suits them all! Here, I added some short messages to them.. things I've never told them before.. and don't think I ever will!
.
.
( 1 ) the one that I'll never forget : ---
indeed.. you're the unforgettable, wished things would have worked out.. but fear and hesitation and many things spoiled even our little lovely, warm friendship! Still you affected me so much and memories are to outlive us.. even if you've never recongnised that!! even if it meant nothing to you, it did mean a lot to me! I've changed a lot! But You were never to blame! I wished you were a little bit decisive more than that! I wish you were closer now , to sit by your side and narrate all stories like a child to you! but who knows! what's to come is to come! but if there is only one more chance to "Fight, babe, Fight" as Scorpions sang.. that would be something! I want you to prove to all of those who wronged me that I was right once.. I want you to lift me up high to the skies as you used to.. and then neither of them could touch me and hurt me as they do now.. I want to feel that security along with you.. that they'd be silenced forever ! Prove to me that I was once right! not blinded nor left in wrecks like they say! just one more time..my "unforgettable"!
.
.
( 2) the true friend: Azza
yes it's you! Dunno how you bore me all of that time.. , though you're a crazy Gemini and I'm a rigid Capricorn..we've got along together..we do have many things in common.. without words we do understand each other, we don't have to say any words of intimacy or love..our own jokes are the secret language between us !! and Dina comes to set the Trio right! thanks to both of you for being in my life,, for sharing my memories.. for listening! I could dispense with everything in the world.. for your presence in my life! and I do mean it!!
.
.
( 3) the one you really love: my mum!
I can hardly express my love or feelings to anyone..that's why they call me the rock-hearted gal.. kisses, love, amore are gestures that I rarely use! I've lost many friends because I did not master the flattery technique! But who said love is only expressed like that! I wish you can know how much I love you.. and you're being my ideal!! My life has been attached to you..more than the normal relation between a mother and her daughter! you're the angel in my life! If anything I succeeded in.. I just pray God that it would be dedicated to you for the sake of your own happiness!! That's how I say "I Love You",, hope you'd realise that and accept it ! it seems that's the only thing I can grant now.. I'm broke of any other tools!!
.
.
( 4 ) your twin soul: Heba ,my youngest sister!
Though you're 10 years younger than I, but that strange connection is between us since you were born! Yes.. you're my twin soul! Weird to know that you used to cry asking when I'll be back when I was away from home! Me too..I used to ask after you!! you're my smart little babe.. who understand me like the back of your hand.. despite your very young age!! Bebo..you succeeded all those who never understood me..even the closest! I don't feel ashamed when I cry in your arms and you just hug me.. though you never knew the reason..or even understood it… your pure instinct just knew that I need you at the moment ..so ,you just give me one of the warm of hugs of yours! Isn't it just beautiful?!
.
.
That what happens when I'm ill.. a state of frankness and hallucinations! it's when I unveil something deep inside me..! is that why I hate being ill ?? yes.. it's always been a state of weakness for me..it's when I am true with my own self !..anyway.. I'm done with my halluciantions this time!!
.
.
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
Hello
I'm still here
All that's left of yesterday
___
EVANESCENCE -Hello
