Wednesday, June 6, 2012

In Retrospect...

 I arrived to this room. And was left alone for the first time. I hated it. I cried. I remember how the fading colours of the room were killing me.

(My initial post in the U.S. and the room transformation) 

17th May 2012: This was the room after I totally packed and was getting to leave. I was leaving behind the experience of 10 months in the U.S., in the very quiet and calm Williamsburg, VA.
The last days when I was finishing my very last campus-errands, I was laughing at the numerous times I would go for very long walks, unaware of the shortcuts that would have made my trip to class or anywhere else easier. I laughed at my own idiocy and smiled at how smoothly I was walking then all around the campus, now using the very well-known shortcuts.
.
This whole trip that was initially taken for all the wrong reasons, and was then granted to me for more new reasons, and then ends with more new accomplishments...cured a lot of wounds, pushed out the worst and escalated the pain level just to cleanse my blood out of all - or most of- the venom.
.
25th May 2012: Cairo was glowing at night, and that was the only moment when I teared up in the plane seeing the beauty of Cairo from above. This was the MOMENT I knew I was happy I'm back.

Midnight that day: Carrying my suitcases back home  to surprise my family, was the start of a new self-recovery phase...that's still ongoing.


(That was an initial packing of the room..before I move out to  a friend's place and start to get rid of most of those things and repack for the following 10 days! Whole 10 months are summed up in these many bags and two huge trash bags, and a lot of photos! :) )

Monday, May 28, 2012

Simply..


I need something good to happen.
It's been a while..
and it's pretty dark in here.
I
just
need
something
good
to
happen
!

Monday, May 14, 2012

Acknowledgement..



Couldn't have done it without You!
and believe me..that's not a cliche
I just wanna make you proud..
We did it!
We passed the stressful times,
You watched my back,
and I survived.
The price I made was endearing..
made my heart bleed every day for not being together
But who said..you were ever far?!
You were here
every moment
every second
in every photo I took!
So yes..it's "WE" made it through!
but
You
helped
me
breathe
along
!
Words are cliche.
But..You know!
:)
It's not a "Thank You"
It's Everything!
You're Everything!


يا ريت بيتك كان..منو بعيد


الحتة اللي فيا اللي لسة بتسمع أغاني رايقة عن بنت صغيرة بتحب وعمرها ما ح تزعل، الحتة دي ..الصغيرة اوي..اللي جوا جدا.. هي بتخليني أمسك التليفون وأوشوشه "بحبك" لسة لغاية اللحظة دي..واللي لسة نفسها أخلص كوفيتك، وتسرق ساعة وتشرب قهوة معايا بقى*، الحتة اللي جوا جوايا اللي إنت بتوحشها أكتر من الكون كله..وده بيخليها تعيط كل يوم، هي نفس الحتة اللي بخبيها تحت جاكت تقيل وكوفية وشوية طبطبة...الحتة دي..التنتوفة الصغيرة اللي وعدتك تتشال وتنسى التفاصيل وتبطل تتوجع لإنك مش هنا..! الحتة العبيطة جدا دي..لسة بتستناك على فكرة.ه
____
تمت
من أغنية "قهوة" لفيروز كراوية*
العنوان: لفيروز، "شو بخاف"ه

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Saturday, April 14, 2012

This Kind of Pain..

They say..in order to be healed and fully recovered, you have to accept yourself as it is. Embrace it and accept, don't be your own enemy.

You know when some kind of severe burn happens to the skin? The skin is burnt and the flesh is exposed, making any little contact onto the burnt part..a living hell! You can never touch that part it hurts..even if a little bit of cold water, it's gonna hurt no matter what.

I feel..as if all of me is exposed like that, as all my soul without its protective skin, everything hurts even a little gesture, or a small word..all hurt like hell...all cause bleeding..the minutest thing as tiny as an unseen dust..pains all of me. As if all of me is nothing but tips of nerves exposed that any poke gonna make me scream like hell of pain!

How can I hug my soul then and pat its back and tell her it's gonna be fine, while I cannot even get any closer! How can I hold unto myself while even my mere existence will pain..How can I get close, whereas every inch is nothing but burnt bless aching..

How can I then survive like that then...

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Distraction!

I finished watching all 10 seasons of "Friends" and repeated them over and over again,
then watched all 7 seasons of "How I met Your mother" and watching the weekly new episodes and watched all the seasons over and over again,
I watched all 4 seasons of "Cake Boss"
and now..it's "Glee"
.
.
.
The Desperate trials of invoking laughter!