Organising the Unorganised...

*Random Thoughts..Very Random*

-It's totally normal to shift from teary eyes... to stability, to total happiness and flying, to calmness, to weird numbness then teary eyes once more!!

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-My unorganised playlist.. and my no-stability in a song or certain musical mood... denote my unstable mind and soul... I cannot define my mood!

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-I cannot hide it anymore...! I don't think I do hide it anymore...!

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-Que sera .. sera! I know!

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- I am totally afraid...! Like scared to death! Really...

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- I have MANY MANY MANY readings to do! Get me the energy for that!

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-I don't use the mic in my lectures..and my voice is affected by that! :( I have a sore throat already bec. of screaming in the lecture! :D

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-I caught myself "dreaming"!! Dreaming and wishing...! It's not a sin, right?!

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-I diffuse my fear... in a way that you cannot imagine! I just distribute my worries on everything else.. not focusing on the main issue!! That's not really a good thing as it sounds..!

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- I'm getting out of control..I'm afraid!

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-Everything is out of my hands...! I am not in control...! This actually sucks!!

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- I'm on hold! Pause! At halt...! Waiting for the action signal..!!

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-I am indulged in the waiting game! I HATE it!

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- I have nothing to do... but to WAIT!

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-Waiting..lets my mind be messed with all kind of thoughts and fears!

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-Happiness is always tainted! I hate the taste of bitterness that have to proceed!

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-I am grateful to God...and I'm all greedy for more! Does that make me a bad one? That I pray and wish????? law matm3tsh fi karm Rabna..7atma3 fi meen tyb!! :

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- I miss Ali El-7aggar...(I distract myself by all means...)

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-I believe in signs...! Some signs we do create ..but others just slap you at the face! YES!

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-I don't like waiting..I don't..I don't..I don't..I don't...I DON'T! DON'T!

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-Please, please, please....make it quick...!

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-لا تتعجل الوقت فهو مُسير مثلك

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-DAMN IT! DAMN IT...DAMN!!

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-I feel like a lunatic asking and answering myself!

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-C'mon... we already know that I AM A LUNATIC!

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-Disturbed soul...Disturbed mind!

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-Why there isn't some kinda drink to let you sleep till forever...? or at least sleep till all of this passes?!

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- Isn't there a fastforward button?

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- The problem is..I dream...! I wish... I hope! That's the basic human sin! That you actually dream.. and wish and hope! Really! Totally human...!

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-If we were angels..would have the suffering been less? Because we won't ask for more? and we will suffice with what we have..even if gone later on?!!!!

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-I'm being SLOWLY tortured!! Like really...

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- I feel like crying till forever...! Till I pour it all out..Till all the pain is released..Till all the suffering stops.. Till all the questions end...and everything sounds sane once more...

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-The stress is enormously increasing...

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- I wanna get back knitting..! This chill reminds me of the need of a scarf!

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- P.S. I don't need a scarf! I need the boring, routine-like, knitting action to distract me! Illusionary dose!

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-I don't need "knitting" either..what I need is not in those threads and needles!

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-I know what I need!!!!! I know the answer...!! An answer I cannot get!

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-I'm totally driven insane...HEADING towards the egde!!

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-Why am I writing all of this crap?!! Seriously!

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(P.s. Can I just die and escape all of this?! A gloomy wish I know.. An escapist one as well... But Can I? I'm too tired..I wanna some peace, I want my mind to stop!! I yearn to...)